i, too, can be mindless

It’s been raining all morning so the kitchen counters are dripping from the overhead leaks, it just runs on the floor. There are only so many pots to catch so many leaks. It is a constant battle around here. I am just having one of those days, I guess. It’s not easy to be happy all the time when you basically live alone in a dump. We have an appointment about a renovation grant in a little while. Maybe they can help to get something happening around here. Lord knows I can only do so much on my own.

wallman.jpg

I have a certain sense of humor about this place. If I didn’t, I would have gone nuts a long while ago. There is a particular stain on the living room wall that I am fond of; I call it my Egyptian man. As you can see in the photo the wall and ceiling surrounding this fun guy are in great need of repair. You are only seeing a small portion of it. Anyway…not long after I took this photo, I started going to rehab for my vestibular problem. It was funny, the therapist was wearing a little Egyptian necklace. It was a weird connection, and I probably freaked her out when I mentioned it. She has never worn it again. Of course, I told her that one of my anagrams had her name in it too, and since her name is unusual, that probably did it more than the stain on the wall and the necklace.

I am really worn out today. I suppose I could become a research subject, that’s about all I will be good for soon. The computer screen flashes all night and life being what it is, I showed the beau the Today Show’s segment on what that’s doing for me. Thank you Today Show for the timely assistance. Of course, he got a little testy, but passive-aggressive behaviors really never sway me. It is what it is, and I am not only tired but I am tired of it. Whenever possible I let the experts speak for me, so that was quite handy after yet another night of lights flashing before my closed eyes. I would like to have sleep sometimes. I am cranky this morning. I am sure my post won’t be able to hide that. So I may as well just vent.

Yeah, I understand what it is like when you are ill and can’t work or do what you normally do. But even when the beau is “normal” he is up half the night on the computer. That would be his choice. The computer does need to be in a different room, and soon. There are only three rooms, but something has to change.  Maybe it’s me…maybe that is the only thing that can change.

Since he’s now on his first leg of daylight hour sleep, I thought I’d play a mindless game. Well, yeah, it is fun to play games now and then, but moderation is in order when you do nothing but whatever it is you need to change. Shape shifter was my random choice this morning. I didn’t need anything that was ongoing for hours. Just a couple of minutes. I can see how people can enjoy that. But after that, and especially if, it interferes with relationships, well, I am just not much for playing games.

Another gray, cold, wet day. I was so happy to get outside yesterday, now that the house is once again filled with the darkness that normally envelopes it on days like today. The bedroom has lath walls and since it has been this way six, seven, eight years, who knows, I doubt it will change soon. I have been here too long for nothing to happen. I don’t own it, so there is only so much I can do. I work on the yard as I can. Lord knows I have much to do yet. The house is in varying degrees of deterioration, the hovel doesn’t let much light in or reflect much either. If it was up to me, the who interior of the house would have been drywalled and painted a couple of years ago, when I was able to do it. Like I said, it isn’t my house.

It is my computer, however. The computer is in front of the window that lets the most light in, and still, the rest of the room is crowded and in shadow. I have used mirrors to reflect as much light as possible in this house, but it will never be enough, not until the ceilings and walls are finished. In the townhouse I lived in for a year, there was more light in the basement room I had the computer in than in here. It’s that bad. Winter just makes it worse, so I am really looking forward to spring, and being able to go outside more often. Yesterday was a good day. Usually on days like that I work myself into a bad backache. But today, I just feel a nice muscle pull on the back of my legs. How nice.

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