Jesus is my insurance

Not having the typical health insurance plan makes life interesting these days. I got a call from one of my doctor’s offices today to pre-register me for my next appointment. Pre-register? I have been a patient for over 3 months now. I told the woman on the phone I was older, nothing else had changed. Still, I had to answer the questions, one by one.

Then she got to the insurance question. Do you have insurance? No, I said. Then I was informed that self-pay patients (the new nicey-nice word for those you won’t let in unless they pay up front) were to pay $50, and by the way, I still have another balance on the account that needs to be paid as well.

I have been on a payment plan since my last visit, paying promptly or ahead of time each month. This doctor has looked me over but done nothing else for me but ordered a couple of tests. I pay on time, paying $7 more than the billing statement says each month because I agreed to paying it when I first saw him. That leaves a $10 difference, which I planned to pay this month anyway. I was told that amount was not part of the payment plan and it needed to be paid, so was I planning on paying it. I was really getting tired of this conversation. I asked the woman to clarify what amount she was talking about that wasn’t part of the payment plan. That $10. This is the first I heard  it was such a problem.

The last time I visited the office I made sure I paid my usual payment plus paid on the bill for that day. The receptionist told me a certain amount and then after I wrote the check said she made a mistake. I only had the one check. If it was such a big deal why didn’t they send a separate bill for that $10. I owe $67 on the account. Is it something a patient should be badgered for? I have not once been late on a payment, and I already agreed to pay the next 50 up front amount. I do not plan to go back to that doctor.

I can do what he will do on my next visit any day. I have progressed, no one knows what exactly it is that happened to me, what it is, when or if I will be “normal again”, so why pay someone else a couple hundred bucks a visit for that? Besides, I have already agreed with the diagnosis, (according to the free dictionary) gid’di·ness: producing a sensation of whirling and a tendency to fall) , and just because of my personality I am sticking with it.

(The Germanic word *gudigaz formed on this root meant “possessed


by a god.” Such possession can be a rather

unbalancing experience, and so it is not surprising).

Maybe from now on I should just say, “Jesus is my (health, car, house, life, etc.) insurance. I wonder if they’ll be as rude after that.

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One Response to Jesus is my insurance

  1. I wonder how much she was paid for the time it took her to explain you owed $10.

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