off a day or two

I didn’t post on the 26th because I was in and out and I was kinda’ bummed out as well. Because I live in the same house as the beau, who does what he can to take care of me, and who now gets food stamps since March or April of this year, I had to go to an IMPACT interview so they could see about putting me back in the workforce. Gotta go by the rules. Well, living in poverty is no real joy, let me tell you, and I certainly appreciate being able to eat, am thankful for the food stamps we have received while the beau has little to no income.

This all happened because he broke his hip last June or July, was finally operated on in February, and he only applied after a couple of more months of no income. I asked that I not even be listed but you are supposed to put names of all in the household down. The income for the year was less than most people spend in a few months; that’s what the two of us lived on. He hasn’t actually completed his taxes yet, so I don’t have an exact number but I don’t mind telling anyone, it is not easy to live on a hit-skip income when there is still rent to pay every month, utilities, food, etc. 

I have been unable to work since the onset of vertigo as of November 1st, 2006, so I have not been much help. Prior to that I had not worked but a few years anyway prior to my first marriage. In order to receive the foodstamps I am expected to work because I am in the household. Well, things just aren’t that easy. If I could have been working I certainly would have rather than just letting bills pile up and having a house fall down around me.

My appointment Friday was with a very nice woman that I probably scared half to death with my unexpected tears. Sometimes that happens…must be the cerebellum.  She kept asking me what my strengths were at this point, and I kept saying, look , I am not myself anymore, I have had vertigo for two years, etc., etc., and am basically a liability not an asset.

Then she asked if I could start a new job on Monday, if I was 100% what would be my strengths. NOTHING is as it was before. I couldn’t even begin to explain to her how it feels so the tears just started and then she said, you aren’t goping to cry are you.? Well duh!!! I can’t even say I could BE on a job every day. Certainly not days it rains…those are really bad for my equilibrium. I wouldn’t hire me. I can’t operate machinery, think clearly, remember much of anything. WHat good would that be? I told the beau today, as I watched young women in China pretending to carry medals around, that I couldn’t even do that job, carrying nothing around, because they were in high heels. I can’t do that. I can’t walk in high heels, ever again. So it doesn’t really matter if I had anything in my hands or not. I can walk a whole lot better today but no, I am not normal and unsure when I will be.

I’m supposed to ask the doctor to send a letter as to why I can’t work. Well, it would be nice to have a real diagnosis after two years, so who knows what will happen when I put in for that. The worst that can happen is that we have no benefits and go back to wondering how to eat. Meanwhile…I am planning to go back to rehab so I can pick up where I left off now that I can bend over. It took from January to June this year to be able to do that without being totally sick and falling over. I’m doing great!

I did actually do a collage on Friday, and yes, the person’s name who interviewed me is in the collage, as well as some of what else happened. I am not explaining the whole thing.

Saturday Night live is on as I post and they are singing Danny’s song (by Loggins&Messina).

Sun is gonna shine above. And even though we ain’t got money, I’m so in love with you, honey,  And everything will bring a chain of love. And in the morning, when I rise, You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.

Yeah, everything is gonna be alright

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